BCP - Help Center

[Toocool]

After this tragic season, and with our tragic history, this place, my home, your home, is starting to get a little blue and downright depressing. This season in particularly has made many of contemplate giving up, or surrendering, of never thinking of the Bobcats again. However, I will save you.

So come to Dr Phi...Dr TooCool (or you can call me Dr. TC) with all of your many problems and feel free to vent, cry, talk about your struggles, talk about why TT is so skinny and crap, or why Maggette has the name Bad Porn,from family issues and with me making two hundred dollars per diagnosis, we can make the world a better place, and make you a happy person. Not to mention making my bank account slightly fatter.

We are on the bottom of the ladder. There is literally no where else to go except up. Have faith, be strong. Take a step forward, come, lets talk about it.
If you question my qualifications, I am Australian. Anyone can be a Doctor down here.

So go, fire away with your concerns and I will help ease your mind.

[Plowright]

TC, i found myself turning off from a few games down the stretch of the year. I could not help but feel guilty, it hurt so much to see us play such depressingly bad basketball I couldn't help it. Am I less of a fan now?

[ziggy]

Dr. Cool,

Everytime I see Gana Diop's uselessness run up and down the court I get a burning sensation in my ass. What medications would you recommend to cure me of this affliction?

[Toocool]

TC, i found myself turning off from a few games down the stretch of the year. I could not help but feel guilty, it hurt so much to see us play such depressingly bad basketball I couldn't help it. Am I less of a fan now?

To Mr Plowman.

Indeed, it is a tough situation the Bobcats are in. Even the good doctor yours truely has had trouble watching games until the end. The best thing I can recommend for you is to have a stress ball in your hand watching the Bobcats games, perhaps even two. I would also suggest finding a hot woman so if you do get really angry and turn green due to rage, she will most certainly be able to calm you down.

Again, sometimes you feel nothing but sadness at the state of our Bobcats. I recommend a box of tissues nearby to help cope with the sadness, or even a pillow. I would like to remind you that we have a bald asian in charge at the General Manager spot, and as we all know Asians know their bull's faeces.

No doubt by turning off the games it is psychologically traumatising for you, do not worry though. You are not alone in this matter, that guilt you feel is the pent up desire and wishes and dreams for the Bobcats to do well. Release it in some way, perhaps in song or posting on Bobcats Forums more.

I hope I have helped, and may you carry on in your path to enlightenment.

Yours
Dr. TC

[Toocool]

Dr. Cool,

Everytime I see Gana Diop's uselessness run up and down the court I get a burning sensation in my ass. What medications would you recommend to cure me of this affliction?

To Mr Ziggy

I believe that is your brain telling you to get off your chair and excercise. After all, none of us would like to be in the position of that overpaid fat benchwarmer that everyone makes fun of. I would also suggest mentally blocking Diop from sight through sheer willpower. It may seem odd having only 4 players on the court, but Kobe Bryant, one of my other clients I taught when he plays to only see 5 players on the court, to see only the opposition and no teammates. Russell Westbrook has also recently come to me for help, he's shown remarkable progress these past two years with my help. Should you lack the mental capacity to block Diop's scientifically-impossible fat bottom from sight, I suggest to turn off the game until he checks out 2 minutes later with 5 fouls.


Yours
Dr. TC

[ND22]

Dr. Cool,

How should I cope when the Bobcats don't get the 1st pick?

[ziggy]

Dr. Cool,

What sort of dietary plan would you recommend for Tyrus Thomas in order to get him over 140 pounds for next season?

[Toocool]

Dr. Cool,

How should I cope when the Bobcats don't get the 1st pick?

To Mr ND

I believe that you should not get your hopes up for the Bobcats getting the #1 pick. By having no expectations to get the first pick, and having that mentality in general means that you'll never be disappointed. Should you not be able to use that mentality, I suggest finding a nice soft fluffy pillow/s and crying into it. I hope this helps.

Yours
Dr. TC

[Toocool]

Dr. Cool,

What sort of dietary plan would you recommend for Tyrus Thomas in order to get him over 140 pounds for next season?

To Mr Ziggy

I would suggest locking Tyrus up for three months and feed him nothing but Bojangles chicken, and then for him to do heavy weights program to bulk up. Use of the badass Oakley would also work well as a mentor to watch over as Tyrus fattens up. Ensure that Tyrus eats five big meals a day, and he will be over 140 pounds, no problem.

Yours
Dr. TC

[SWedd523]

Jack and Coke

or

Jack and Pepsi

[superb1]

Hey Doc

I am suffering from anxiety. Since the season is over, I have no great Charlotte games to watch. I miss getting blown away on a nightly basis. I miss wondering how can we be so pathetic looking and wondering whether a D-league can beat us. I miss watching the air balls that J Moon and Diop would launch and seeing MC go 1- for infinity. I don't think that I will get through the off-season.

[BlockParty]

Dr. TC,

I think I'm becoming more dense by the day. You see, I can't get enough people to support my theory that the Bobcats' woes are related to MJ's insistence to continue to keep the wrong kind of straws in the concession area. I think the lack of change is really impacting the franchise's ability to be successful, not to mention it's a glaring example of MJ not relating to the average fan. Myself and tons of others (at least me and the voices I hear) are withholding our beverage purchases until MJ concedes that we are right and he's heard our pleas for better straws. I'm also concerned that this is impacting our on-the-court product (not that improving the on-the-court product will as big an impact on the success/failure of the franchise as correcting our unpopular use of straws). In fact this last season, on numerous occasions in the Cable Box, our inability to have a better straw, directly impacted Gana Diop's free throws. On one evening, his 13 ft air ball on the 15 ft free throw would have only been 1.99991 ft short if we had just been able to stop slurping our beverages faster. Lend your wisdom and save this franchise.

One last item that I don't think is important..I don't actually like using straws, it's more eco-friendly to just sip the drink out of the cup.

Thanks in advance for your keen insight on how to save this franchise,

~BP

[Veteran_Picksetter]

Dr. Cool,

I still have nightmares about the 2008 draft. Sometimes I see Alexi Ajinca wearing my old high school uniform, playing one-on-one against Gana Diop. It's more hideous and frightening than those Alien movies. Then I turn to see Brook Lopez dunking on DJ Augustin over and over again. A little after that, Larry Brown barks something about playing the right way and doing a mandatory pg spin move at the top of the key. Lastly, I look down to see that I am at Time Warner Cable Arena in my underwear.

I know I should let go of the past, but it is too buried into my subconscious.....

Also, Swedd thinks that I have a man crush on Gerald Henderson, and I'm starting to think he's right. How can I handle this when I know I will never get to meet Gerald and throw him practice passes so he can work on his 3-point catch-and-shoot day after day??

[Toocool]

Hey Doc

I am suffering from anxiety. Since the season is over, I have no great Charlotte games to watch. I miss getting blown away on a nightly basis. I miss wondering how can we be so pathetic looking and wondering whether a D-league can beat us. I miss watching the air balls that J Moon and Diop would launch and seeing MC go 1- for infinity. I don't think that I will get through the off-season.

To Mr Superb

Take heed of the fact that the off-season will get far more exciting as draft prospects begin coming to Charlotte and you clamour to see the top 8 or so players so that you can make educated guesses on where they will go, and what impact they will have on Charlotte. It is best also during this period to ensure that you don't get your hopes too high up for a man with a huge monobrow called Davis, it is not guaranteed that the Bobcats will get him. If you really still have trouble with anxiety, I would recommend buying a book to sink your time in, or a game (i.e Skyrim) that it sinks all your time and you don't think about Charlotte Bobcats.

Yours
Dr. TC

[Toocool]

Dr. TC,

I think I'm becoming more dense by the day. You see, I can't get enough people to support my theory that the Bobcats' woes are related to MJ's insistence to continue to keep the wrong kind of straws in the concession area. I think the lack of change is really impacting the franchise's ability to be successful, not to mention it's a glaring example of MJ not relating to the average fan. Myself and tons of others (at least me and the voices I hear) are withholding our beverage purchases until MJ concedes that we are right and he's heard our pleas for better straws. I'm also concerned that this is impacting our on-the-court product (not that improving the on-the-court product will as big an impact on the success/failure of the franchise as correcting our unpopular use of straws). In fact this last season, on numerous occasions in the Cable Box, our inability to have a better straw, directly impacted Gana Diop's free throws. On one evening, his 13 ft air ball on the 15 ft free throw would have only been 1.99991 ft short if we had just been able to stop slurping our beverages faster. Lend your wisdom and save this franchise.

One last item that I don't think is important..I don't actually like using straws, it's more eco-friendly to just sip the drink out of the cup.

Thanks in advance for your keen insight on how to save this franchise,

~BP

To Mr Blockparty

Your theories on MJ and his straws is a good one. Many a time, I have seen my patients destroy themselves over these such straws, especially when one draws the short midgit straw, extremely unfortunate. Very dangerous things they are. Your opinion, while the masses may not agree, is still your opinion and you must stand firm and hold fast to it. Should you really feel so passionately about MJ and his lack of change, perhaps write a letter to him, pouring out your hearts desire. Keeping pent up emotions can be a bad thing, and sometimes people are stubborn and wish to hold onto what they believe in. In this case, you believe that MJ is wrong in his vision, thus tell him. I have spoken to Gana Diop about his free throws. He said he was trying to emulate Ben Wallace and Shaq, brilliant free throw shooters in their prime. No amout of drinking from straws will save his freethrows, as I recommended that he stop with the Wallace/Shaq impersonations and to go work on his offensive game.

When MJ came to me for advice, I told him this. Do you have a vision for the Bobcats? If so, cling tightly to it and never let go. I certainly believe MJ has a vision, but what vision that may be no one knows. I am simply a Doctor, one man cannot save a franchise with Gana Diop on the team, I'm sorry to disappoint.

Yours
Dr. TC

[Toocool]

Dr. Cool,

I still have nightmares about the 2008 draft. Sometimes I see Alexi Ajinca wearing my old high school uniform, playing one-on-one against Gana Diop. It's more hideous and frightening than those Alien movies. Then I turn to see Brook Lopez dunking on DJ Augustin over and over again. A little after that, Larry Brown barks something about playing the right way and doing a mandatory pg spin move at the top of the key. Lastly, I look down to see that I am at Time Warner Cable Arena in my underwear.

I know I should let go of the past, but it is too buried into my subconscious.....

Also, Swedd thinks that I have a man crush on Gerald Henderson, and I'm starting to think he's right. How can I handle this when I know I will never get to meet Gerald and throw him practice passes so he can work on his 3-point catch-and-shoot day after day??

Ahh yes, the 2008 NBA draft. Most certainly Alexis Ajinca was not the finest choice, but he had enormous potential that never translated. He had many issues, mostly to do with his lack of work ethic that made him fail. Having had a dream of Diop and Ajinca, have a dream now of Diop and Smack, and watch the air balls flow. However, Smack has this work ethic that Ajinca lacked, and has stupidly long arms. Simply be patient, and one day you will see Smack dunk on Lopez, or reject him massively. In my professional opinion, the dreams you have are your pent up childhood memories. I suggest taking a trip down memory lane and reliving your childhood, perhaps there is a memory that has gnawed away at you like a rotten tooth. Release the demons, and feel the fresh air once more.

Ahh yes, the Hendo. It is not wrong to have a man crush on Henderson, I too have quite the man crush. The only way to handle this, is to go to Charlotte and meet with him yourself. Indulge in your passions, perhaps get a job at the Bobcats as a training assistant, and you can throw all the balls you want at Henderson.

Yours
Dr. TC

[Veteran_Picksetter]

Ahh yes, the 2008 NBA draft. Most certainly Alexis Ajinca was not the finest choice, but he had enormous potential that never translated. He had many issues, mostly to do with his lack of work ethic that made him fail. Having had a dream of Diop and Ajinca, have a dream now of Diop and Smack, and watch the air balls flow. However, Smack has this work ethic that Ajinca lacked, and has stupidly long arms. Simply be patient, and one day you will see Smack dunk on Lopez, or reject him massively. In my professional opinion, the dreams you have are your pent up childhood memories. I suggest taking a trip down memory lane and reliving your childhood, perhaps there is a memory that has gnawed away at you like a rotten tooth. Release the demons, and feel the fresh air once more.

Ahh yes, the Hendo. It is not wrong to have a man crush on Henderson, I too have quite the man crush. The only way to handle this, is to go to Charlotte and meet with him yourself. Indulge in your passions, perhaps get a job at the Bobcats as a training assistant, and you can throw all the balls you want at Henderson.

Yours
Dr. TC

Thanks Dr. Cool! I will transfer my anger at the '08 draft into a love for Bismack and what he will do to Lopez someday....

Why SHOULDN'T I be the guy throwing Henderson passes?? I can pass! I'm the typical height of an nba point guard. And if I fail getting that position, perhaps my new love for Bismack will take some of my unrequited focus off of Henderson.....

Problem solved!!

[ziggy]

Dr. Cool,

What would be the appropriate response as a Bobcats fan if we unfortunately do NOT get the #1 pick?

Rioting?

[Veteran_Picksetter]

Dr. Cool,

What would be the appropriate response as a Bobcats fan if we unfortunately do NOT get the #1 pick?

Rioting?

Riot if New Orleans gets it. Then we'll know that Stern controls the lottery.....

[Toocool]

Dr. Cool,

What would be the appropriate response as a Bobcats fan if we unfortunately do NOT get the #1 pick?

Rioting?

To Mr. Ziggy

Being as passionate as I am for the Bobcats, I wouldn't mind a bit of riot action. Riot first, then we can all join a Bobcats Rehab group, sitting in a circle and we can talk about our problems and the disappointment of our hopes and dreams for our team over cookies and coffee. Not having the no.1 pick is unfortunately a prospect that many of us fear, due to our poor drafting history and terrible luck.

Yours
Dr. TC

[anton273]

Dear Doc,

My girlfriend thinks my bobcats jersey is for sleeping in as they suck so bad.

I try to tell her they are improving but she makes fun about their record and that they have no decent players.

How do I deal with this?

Thanks
Anton

[Toocool]

Dear Doc,

My girlfriend thinks my bobcats jersey is for sleeping in as they suck so bad.

I try to tell her they are improving but she makes fun about their record and that they have no decent players.

How do I deal with this?

Thanks
Anton

To Mr. Anton

It is simple. Tell that woman to get back in the kitchen.

Regards
Dr. TC

[anton273]

To Mr. Anton

It is simple. Tell that woman to get back in the kitchen.

Regards
Dr. TC

Amen to that

[ziggy]

Dr. Cool,

I keep having nightmares of us getting the 4th pick then hiring Patrick Ewing. What can I do to stop these negative thoughts from creeping into my brain?