All the news in this thread is a complete lie

[ziggy]

The lack of news is killing me, so I think that I'll just make it up.

* Larry Brown has just signed an 18 year contract extension to coach the Bobcats through his 87th birthday

* Boris Diaw has locked himself in the weight room and cut his body fat down to 0.0000001%. He now looks like this:


* Raymond Felton neither confirms nor denies a deep passion for The Circle K

* To masquerade his retreating hairline, Gerald Henderson is considering this new hairstyle for next season.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPZn7WxuATI

Give me your Bobcats lies, untruths, propaganda... The sillier the better, to help hold us until we have something real to talk about.

[itsbcbaby]

David Stern has imposed a rule against exposed mouth guards due to Gerald Wallace. Seeing it as a health risk, Stern has implemented a "penny-per-second" fine for every second Gerald's mouthpiece is hanging out of his mouth.

Derrick Brown recently stated he is taking dunking out of his repertoire. He will be replacing these dunks with one handed floaters and finger-rolls.

Considering the bobcats don't have any draft picks in the upcoming draft, Gerald Henderson and Derrick Brown will be the victims of Larry Brown's hatred against rookies. Expect their minutes to decrease even more this season.

[TattoodCats4life]

Michael Jordan just announced a blockbuster trade. We will be sending out all players except for Wallace, Thomas, and Jackson, Nazr, and Lexy. In return we receive the following:

Gilbert Arenas, Wizards pick #1.
LeBron James in a S&T for 7.5 million/year 6 years.
And Chris Bosh.

We have also completed the following signings for next season, as we need 4 more players for a legal lineup.
Raja Bell - min vet salary
Dirk Nowitski - MLE
Flip - min vet
Nate Robinson - min vet

If we need anything more, we can just go to the D-League

[ND22]

Breaking news:

The Bobcats have traded DJ Augustin for Brook Lopez. The trade came after the Bobcats realized they had picked the wrong player and offered Augustin for the player they realized they should have taken, Lopez. The Nets, realizing the Bobcats simple mistake, generously swapped players. Mikhail Prokhorov assured Nets fans that "all is well" and that he will fill in at center for at least 10 games this year.

[ziggy]

Gana Diop has been traded for a multi-talented ninja kodiak bear in strictly a salary cap move.

[x2pacalypse]

Glen Davis loves ice cream.

[ND22]

Glen Davis loves ice cream.

But see, that is true!

[Toocool]

Bobcats Planet members Bing! Swedd523 and Toocool have been hired to join Lexy, Hendo and UPS in riding the pine. All have been hired to fill up spots that useless scrubs like Hughes who have been waived.

Bing, at 23 brings his 6'4 frame to the NBA, and will be playing SG/PG. He will bring to the court a fine European accent, and long athletic arms. Since he is European, he will bring a midrange/3 point range to the game, with no post up game as all Europeans don't like to touch each other.

Swedd, at 19 brings his unmeasured frame to the NBA, and will be playing SF so he can touch Lebron. He also brings weed to games (His last name is a lie! It's actually Weed, not Wedd), but contains more brains than Beasley so he hides his secret stash in places you don't want to know. He also brings a big body (from all the TIMBERRRRRRRR he lifts) and a girlfriend too, which will probably distract him when he goes for a layup by looking pretty for him.

Toocool (arguably the most handsome and awesome of the trio), at 18 brings his 5'7 non-existent frame to the NBA, and will be playing C/PG, simply because LB loves the smallball, and reakons that Toocool could post up DH12 any day of the week, perhaps even dunk on him. He brings speed, moves that make Michael Jackson look fat and a non-existant hustle that makes Sean May look skinny. He also brings style, pure awesomeness and a sense of humour that make all the ladies want him and all the haters to...hate him.

All three players have been heavily scouted by the 'Fine Ham Biscuit' himself, Sam Vincent. Bing and Swedd have been signed to a 256k per year contract, and Toocool has been signed on for a 6 year/32 million per year contract (Don't get it? It's the contract Diop has been signed for).

Since then, the trio have been spotted trying to shave Tyson's beard when he's asleep, but since his bed is also as tall as Tyson which is 7 feet high, Toocool simply can't reach him and so they failed. They have also been spotted wearing 'Crash the Boards,' 'make love to pressure' and 'We love Ziggy' shirts.

[bing!]

^ that brought on a genuine smile... kudos.

[bing!]

Cats' management introduces mandatory manicure. Boris is besides himself with excitement.

Gerald gets hooked on strawberry-flavoured mouth-guards and is contemplating moving to Iceland... he never gets to see Boris at the peek of his glee.